“Kickin’ Butt as a Single Parent”
By Bill | July 30, 2010
Well after over a yngle Parentear now I am about ready to launch my new book“Kickin Butt as a Single Parent” “99 Tips that every single parent must have”. It is some what surreal when you actually get a copy of a book that you wrote. I never thought that I would write a book let alone one that is getting such great reviews. I like many of you just do what we do because we love our children and it is the right thing to do. Being a parent can be one of the most difficult things we will ever do, but at the same time the mostrewarding. I am blessed to have been able to take my experiences as well as those of others and share them with the world.
The initial reviews, some of which are below, are coming in fast and furious. I truly believe that this book will not only transform your life but that of your children’s. Yesterday at a meeting with some media types I shared my book. After just glancing at some of the tips and my writing style they asked to buy ten books on the spot. Moments like that just reinforce my commitment to reach out and help all parents not just single parents.
Since I am self publishing this book I need your help. If you are willing to share the book with your email list or willing to allow me to put a banner on your website please let me know. I am willing to send you a free copy of the book just for helping me.
Until then, have a blessed day, a wonderful weekend and tell your kids that you love them today more than once:)
Book Cover link:
http://files.killercovers.com/1/kpoel/KBAASP/KBAASP-Cover3.zip
Reviews:
Bill McLeod has a hit on his hands with his new book “Kickin’ Butt as a Single Parent.” As a longtime single parent myself, while reading it I was brought right back to those moments when I felt really alone and overwhelmed, with no guidance at hand. Bill’s book is long overdue, and will inspire, empower and educate anyone wishing to improve their lives and the lives of their children.
Nancy Vogl, coauthor of “Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul”
I wish this book had been available when I was raising my daughters as a single parent. Bill speaks with courage, inspiration, experience and incredible insight into the problems single parents encounter. Many of the tips he provides, were hard lessons I had to learn on my own. I expected to enjoy his book, because I was familiar with his website, radio shows, and blogs. I was not prepared for how amazing this book truly is. It is a must read for any parent, single or married, who wants to make a difference in their child’s life.
Kim Waldmann
”As I read the book I was deeply moved by the insight, wisdom and love within its words. How many times have we all said out-loud… ”I wish children came with a manual (or handbook)”? Well now we have a resource that can bridge the gap between our parental confusion and our well intended action. Parenting in general is rife with so many questions that I found the answers to in your book. Every parent whether they be single or otherwise will surely benefit as will their children from reading this amazing work.” ”Thank you Bill for listening to the “gentle whispers” from above when you were asked to take this journey. It WILL change lives”.
Cynthia Kee, a single parent, California
“Over the years functioning as a single parent, raising three children, learning how to raise my children, how to provide, and how to just survive … I marvel at the value and compassion that Bill McLeod has put into this wonderful book. This is a book for all ages. It is a testimony of Bill’s hard work and dedication spotlighting the single parent. All should read this book from cover to cover and take away from the story life’s many blessings and also its many challenges.”
Terry Hitchcock, author
“A Father’s Odyssey”
www.terryhitchcock.com
terryhitchcock@gmail.com
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Be Here Now
By Lisa | July 30, 2010
The other day I drove to a local farm and purchased fresh white peaches at the delicate peak of ripeness. I came home and I made peach pan cakes.
Promptly my youngest son refused to eat them. (I did make plain ones, too, but asked him to try the peach ones.) He refused though the specks of peaches would have been barely recognizably under an electron microscope.
Sigh.
I did not freak out, whine or be the martyr mother (as was my first instinct). Instead I sat down and enjoyed my breakfast. As they chattered I ate in silence and thought about something I have been reading quite a lot about: staying present. Just recently I read on Katrina Kenison’s blog that she tries to “be here now.” This is not a new concept to me, but it is one I need to hear and apply more often. I got it to mean don’t get ahead of yourself (which I often do.)
So in my silent state of pancake eating, I broke the message down as it related to this situation.
Fact: My son did not want to eat the peach pancakes. Period.
This did not mean:
- That he would never eat them in his entire life.
- He would never try new things.
- He would forever be deficient in his daily allowance of fruits and vegetables.
It also did not mean:
- He did not love me.
- He did not appreciate my effort. (Okay, this one is really difficult for me because of all the time it takes in purchasing good food and preparing it.)
After the meal, he remembered to clear his plate (no small victory despite his advanced age of 10!) and thanked me for the meal. (I think my silence was a tip off to him).
I wasn’t angry per se, as much as I was exasperated. Yet, staying in the now made the problem –he did not want to eat the pancakes—much smaller than lumping a lifetime of worry and ancillary issues into the mix.
Also I enjoyed my meal more.
Be here now. Yes. It is a lesson I will have to practice over and over again.
Sigh.
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Could you be creating a future clutterer?
By Tracy | July 28, 2010
I am a Professional Organizer. The earliest memory of organizing is at 12 years old. Yes, I was one of those weird kids that actually found cleaning and organizing just as fun as playing. The point is, I’ve been doing this for a long time so not only do I understand the best ways to get organized but I have become very skilled at understanding the emotions that drive clutter behavior. And I have seen that there is almost a formula that can predict if there may be future cluttering tendencies based on how a person was treated in their childhood in regards to their stuff.
Through working with my latest wave of clients, I have seen some common themes pop up. Issues with controlling parents, boundaries and trouble with decision making.
Here’s the deal with disorganization and clutter. Outside of brain disabilities like ADD/ADHD, the majority of clutter and disorganization stems from the influence a parent or parents had over a person and their stuff in their childhood.
And the fact of the matter is because organizing is not a required subject in school (I’m working on that changing that), it is a learned behavior for most. Their are some that are blessed with the ability to be organized but not many. And the members of our households are the ones to teach us how to be or not to be disorganized. And if disorganized behavior was modeled for you and you have those tendencies then in order for you to be organized you have to educate yourself how to be organized. The sad thing is, that many people plod along in their lives not even being aware that if they just set up systems based on who they really are and how they really operate instead of how they think they are suppose to be, then they could possibly be organized. Or that if they would just not accept the labels that were given to them as being lazy or responsible rather than having, say, ADHD, then they may actually be able to be organized.
I was working in a garage the other day with a father and his daughter and I was able to see right in front of me how cluttering tendencies develop. We had sorted a bunch of clothes into boxes for the girl to look at. Here’s how the convo went. Dad holds up a piece of clothing and said:
Dad – Julie do you want this
Julie – No Dad I don’t
Dad – Well does it fit
Julie – Yes Dad it does but I don’t want it
Dad – Well we paid a lot of money for it are you sure you don’t want it
Julie – Yes Dad I told you I don’t want it
Dad – Well we should keep it because it still fits and we spent a lot of money on it
Julie – But it’s my stuff Dad and I can do what I want with it
Dad – Well we’re keeping it
Now here’s what that type of conversation can lead to:
1) – The inabiliy for one to not trust their own judgement. Instead of going with their gut instinct, they will always have a barage of questions that willl challenge their instinct and make them second guess themselves.
2) – They will have a difficult time making a decision. This goes back to the whole judgement thing. They will be afraid to make a decision for fear it may be the wrong one that could lead to negative consequences like be upsetting to someone else. I firmly believe that how much clutter one has is in direct proportion to how quickly they can make decisions.
3) – They will have a difficult time setting boundaries. They will potentially learn that it doesn’t matter what they feel is best for them they will just go with what someone else says to do and they will potentially learn that their wants and needs don’t matter anyway.
So, parents, if you find yourself being too controlling over your kids stuff first understand that you are just passing forward the same thing you were taught as a kid. And second know that the way you handle your child in relationship to their stuff can have a very big influence on how that child relates to more than just stuff in their life.
If you don’t want to pass on the same cluttering and disorganized tendencies that you have on to your kids, then make a conscious decision to be aware of what you are saying to your kids about their stuff. Things like telling them they should keep an item because their grandma gave it to them will create guilt. Telling them they shouldn’t get rid of something because they never know when they will need it again will create fear. And giving inanimate objects like Barbie Dolls “feelings” will create unhealthy attachments to things and cause hoarding because getting rid of it will make them feeel “bad”.
Make the conscioius choice today to change your family patterns of clutter and disorganization. Peace and calm is the reward for everyone.
Single mom, organizing and productivity expert, Tracy Paye has been transforming spaces into livable and lovable environments since the age of 12. Tracy’s passion is to help people experience freedom from their stuff and re-design their lives. Through hands on organizing, coaching, consulting, speaking engagements, media appearances, and writing Tracy has positively impacted countless people by inspiring, empowering and motivating people to take action and gain control of their lives. If you are interested to learn more about Tracy’s organizing services you can visit her site at www.tracypaye.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/missorganized.
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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan – A Cornucopia of Unrelated Revelations
By Bruce | July 27, 2010
A Cornucopia of Unrelated Revelations
1. I text when I drive? My younger son gets crazy on me and points it out in the same way I’d point out a mistake or poor choice he’d make. It doesn’t give me much credibility when I continue this dangerous and foolish behavior.
2. Why is it that our kids seem so much more aware of life (e.g. sex) yet seem to mature later and leave the house even later?
3. Does anyone have dinner parties anymore?
4. Has modern technology made our lives easier or more complicated? It was touted, especially computers, as the panacea for the busy person. I think it’s backfired totally as everyone is more overwhelmed today. Do you remember when you got your first answer machine and thought that was cool?
5. Kids go on group dates these days. I never recall going on a group date. There were groups I was part of through camp, team sports, and such, but when and why did this group dating thing begin? And, I gather it’s a big deal for proms as well. I think I’d rather have my date alone, as it was in “the day,” to quote my teenager when talking about when I grew up.
6. Did you ever have a pen pal and look forward to getting the mail just to check if you’d received a letter from them? Do you remember writing letters longhand and taking pleasure in reading a response, from someone you liked as a friend or more, repeatedly, and saving them in a special place?
7. Why does time seem to go faster the older we get? My theory is simple. Obviously, time is finite, but our perception of it changes as we get older and our lifetime is shorter. So, if your lifespan is 90 and you’re 9 years old, you have 90% of your life ahead of you. On the other hand, if you’re 45, you only have 50% remaining. Consequently, your perspective changes as we age.
8. Thank you “Rock Band” for making a Beatles version, ‘cause now my kids finally like The Beatles and we can all sing-a-long.
9. What happened to nice neighbors? When did everyone become so confrontational and when did HOAs (Home Owners Associations) get so crazy with their totalitarian-like rules, fines, and enforcement?
10. I love real life gender related stories that show the inherent differences between the sexes. When the movie version of “Where the Wild Things Are” came out, Will’s girlfriend and her girlfriends all wanted to see it. Will and his buddies all said “Yech” and came over and watched all four “Die Hard” movies instead. Classic.
11. During the baseball playoffs, the boys and I were listening to a Dodgers game on the radio. David, not a sports fan, heard Vin Scully’s voice doing the play-by-play and said “this sounds like something from the thirties or forties.” Another classic moment. I don’t think Mr. Scully has been around that long?
12. The other morning, as every morning, I took my three dogs for a walk. My oldest dog, Tache, began limping on the way home. I put down my very full bag of poop, and knelt down next to her and lifted one of her paws. There was a burr in it. I removed it; she looked at me, and then trotted off. As I was about to get up, I saw a shiny new penny, heads up, right where I’d stopped.
13. This past Veteran’s Day, my wife and I encountered a man at the (car) body shop. His license plate read something like “5871PH” and it turned out that was his Purple Heart number. He related a couple of “war stories” and we patiently listened, laughed and cried, and let him know how much he was appreciated. Turned out to be a great way to celebrate Veteran’s Day.
14. My wife likes to tell me what to do, likes to complain how what I’m doing is the wrong way and otherwise likes to boss me around. But, for a recent day or so, she was off her game and hadn’t said a critical word. Was she well? What was going on? Well, at the exact moment I was thinking that, while making my morning coffee, she pipes up with, “I liked it better when you had your coffee machine square (rather than the angle I now use) as I had more counter space.” I started laughing and pretty much couldn’t stop. You like it square vs. at an angle? Are you kidding me?
15. I was at the gym on November 18, 2009 and saw the following on HLN (CNN’s sister News Channel): “More Drink, More Sex in Co-Ed Dorms?” Now, there was no sound but I could guess what the story was about as the headline was abundantly clear: some study or report “discovered” that there was more drinking and more sex in co-ed gyms. Duh? Can you believe the investigative journalism going on? What a shocker! Edward Murrow is rolling over in his grave.
16. I’m going to reveal a little secret—please don’t tell my wife as she’ll flip
out. As she rarely reads my columns, I think my secret is safe. Hmmm, but her parents do so please, K&E, don’t mention this to her. We live on a large property in a very rural area of our city. As we have three dogs, I often take them for walks. I don’t know how this began, but I occasionally join my big dog, always walked on a leash, and urinate with him somewhere in the bushes. Call this a primitive bonding ritual, but it gives me a kick. So we’re agreed, the secret is safe?
Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter.
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A parable on relationship dynamics for your children and perhaps for you
By Patrick | July 26, 2010
A parable on relationship dynamics for your children and perhaps for you
So I am reflecting back on a parable I once told to my daughter.
This was after she had done some goofy “relationship dance” with another teen aged boy. I had read this parable in a Jungian Psychology book many years ago and never thought about it too much until I had a weird, goofy on again off again relationship with a lady whom I was very fond of. I was always coming back to her and she would always embrace “us” again only to walk away after about six months or so.
Then we would rinse and repeat.
One day the memory of this little story hit me like a ton of bricks while enjoying a rain soaked jog at Memorial Park.
“Once upon a time in a kingdom far-far away there lived a beautiful princess. She had been courted by many a fine and eligible bachelor but she seemed to enjoy being “wooed” entirely too much as she would grow tired of the suitors after a week or two.
One day, a young man appeared in the town and professed his intentions to marry the fair princess.
Her response was that he would need to prove his love for her and could do so by sitting under her bedroom window for 100 days. At the end of the 100 days, she would know that he was committed to her and worthy of her hand.
The young man proclaimed his love for her and told her, and anyone else who would listen, “I love her so dearly and I am so intent on proving my love that I will sit under your bedroom window all day and all night for 100 days and nights. This should prove that I am willing to do anything for my beloved.”
So he did.
He arrived the next day with a blanket and proceeded to spend the next 99 days and nights under her window. Passersby offered him food and a pillow but he politely refused. He was a committed young man.
He was intent on proving his love for his young lady.
On the 99th day he arose at day break to dust himself off, roll up his blanket and walk away.
The townspeople were astonished. He only had one more day and they were very quick to point that out to the young man. He heard them, each and every one and responded with a smile and a nod and a pleasant, “I am aware of that.”
Everyone wanted to know WHY?!
Why after so many days was he just walking away.
He quietly and resolutely responded to the questions, “Well. I am aware that I only had one more day. But the fair princess was also aware that I only had one more day. She was ok with me sitting out in the horrible heat and with all of the torrential rains and the attacks by hungry mosquitoes for 99 days. Every day, she knew I was there and I was committed and if 99 days does not prove my love and commitment then one more day will not do so.”
And off he walked…
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Learning to Focus
By Michele | July 26, 2010
The death of someone instrumental in our lives instantly changes our view of the world. Ordinary things are suddenly fraught with meaning, and insignificant moments become unexpectedly precious. After my husband Phil’s death I remember thinking that grief swooped in and stole my rose colored glasses…leaving me with a pair of dark shades instead.
This darker world view made every life celebration bittersweet…or sometimes just plain bitter. Movies became minefields, attending weddings became tortuous, walking down the street beside hand holding couples made me feel nauseous, and stopping for lunch alone during my workday often reduced me to tears. While grey was the dominant color in my life I generally felt either sad or numb, with not much in between. Sometimes when a bit of color would filter through the haze (a flash of genuine happiness for example), I felt almost burned. My immediate reaction to light became turning away from the source, and pulling my new shades down over my eyes to keep the world in a comfortable state of darkness.
I can’t tell you exactly when my shades started allowing the penetration of light…but they did. One day I genuinely smiled. Another day I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. Every now and then I could walk down the street without counting the couples I passed; lunchtime alone became time to catch up on some reading; I even went to a wedding and found myself caught up in the love of the moment instead of listening to the voice in my head detailing the ways that death may these two part. The moment I realized that I sat through a wedding without the bitter taste of disappointment in my mouth, I knew that the gloom was finally lifting.
Death has changed the way I look at every single thing in my life. Lately I have been thinking of life as a camera. We don’t always get to select the lens, but we can adjust the focus. I can’t change the fact that Phil died, but I can choose to focus on how lucky I was to love him. I will never sit through a film that includes losing a loved one without a pang of sorrow, but I can choose to employ that compassion in my everyday life. When I see very old couples assisting each other out of a car, I still wonder, “Why not us?”…but I can choose to think, “Good for you.” Sometimes getting the focus right is still not easy. When a wave of grief comes from somewhere unexpected I am often temporarily unable to refocus my life lens, but I am learning that finding the right focus takes practice…and each day gives me a new opportunity to pick up my camera.
How has your perspective changed after losing a loved one? Have you found a way to adjust your focus?
Topics: General | 2 Comments »
Release With Peace
By Bridget | July 25, 2010
Wow… pretty powerful words, really. When you think about it, they can/should apply to almost any situation in which we find ourselves. From the ‘more trivial’ things in life such as traffic jams to finalizing a divorce or getting a child ready for college.
Of course, as with everything in life… it takes practice… and lots of it. However, I believe if you decide to adopt these words and their meaning in your life, they might have an amazing impact. Think about it… how many times have you been cut off in traffic. You’re tired, you want to get home and some idiot decides he/she needs to get there just a little ahead of you. Maybe instead of grabbing the steering wheel just a little tighter, you can chant/meditate on these three words and perhaps feel your body begin to relax. Better yet, send that thought to the person who just cut you off.. Sound a bit radical? Perhaps, but what’s the point in getting all worked up about it anyway? Does it make your day better? I bet not.
I believe these words can have tremendous impact as we face our lives as single parents… Think about the times when your “ex” does or says something which sends you ‘over the top’ and wishing slightly ill thoughts of that person. I’m not suggesting that some of those thoughts may not be warrented in some way, but if you/we can work at releasing that person with peace and kindness, I believe it’s better for everyone in the end… especially our children. Taking a leap of faith here, I believe that’s our common goal. Letting our children be a witness to patience, understanding, kindness, tolerance and forgiveness. As long as we harbor those angry feelings, our children will never feel the need to release with peace.
Just something you might wish to think about… or not, but I’m going to move forward with it. Until next time… I wish you the ability to release with peace…
Thank you for letting me share.
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