What to Say When Your Kids Ask, “Do You Think I’m Fat?”
By Julie | February 23, 2010
“Do you think I’m fat?”.
Has your child ever asked you this question?
If so, did you feel prepared to answer?
Many parents don’t feel prepared. It’s a tough topic, and often times we’re not sure how to address it.
I got very clear to this last night when it came up in my own family.
This video will offer solutions, as we explore ways to respond by using my Five Points of Inquiry.
Five Points of Inquiry:
1) “What do you think?”
- This is an opportunity to understand what your kids think about their body. When I asked Max this, he said he wasn’t sure what he felt, but that he knew he was strong. He boasts weighing 75 lbs. (at 7-years-old), because he believes it’s healthy. Knowing this, I can keep supporting the truth that he’s strong and healthy, without abandoning the lessons for proper portions that will keep him strong and healthy.
2) “How does this make you feel?”
- Kids have a tough time identifying feelings, but they have a good sense of when they feel sad. If they feel angry, confused or embarrassed, they might not readily know this or admit it. Max told me he felt embarrassed because he thought I believed he was fat. Ouch. I realize that I can’t always be “Nutritionist Mom”, and need to choose my approach carefully when integrating healthy habits into our own home.
3) “What would you like to do about it?”
- Let your kids come up with solutions. You can offer suggestions, but when they come up with ideas on their own, they will more readily commit to the changes. Max suggested that we continue to work on portions. He also thought he should exercise more because he really likes to eat! He asked if he could start running with me, and he is excited to ride his new bike.
4) “How can I help you?”
- Again, your kids may have a tough time identifying this. Give them a chance to think of something, even if it’s not in that moment. You can let them think about it for a day, and then get back together to come up with a plan. This question says, “Hey bud, I’m on your team. You just tell me what you need me to do”. This also teaches our kids how to ask for help – something many of us shy away from.
5) Action Step: “Here’s what I’m going to do for you.”
- This is all about commitment. Let your kids know you are part of the solution and that you are behind them 100%, without judgment. I told Max that I trust him to make good decisions around portions. I also asked if I could help him when it looks like he’s getting off track. He said yes. I then said that I would carve out time to run with him for 20 minutes, 3 days a week to start – he loved this idea!
I hope this has been helpful!
Please feel free to comment ~ I love hearing new ways that we can support our kids through love, compassion and power!
Topics: How to Communicate with Your Kids, Nutrition | Add First Comment »