Why you shouldn’t praise kids for being smart
By Patrick | March 8, 2010
Why you shouldn’t praise kids for being smart.
I’ve been reading Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book “What The Dog Saw” and came across, what I thought was a pretty interesting lesson. As I have written before, I am a fan of his writing and have learned something about life (or myself) in each of his books but am especially keen on how much I have learned about parenting through his books.
Gladwell does not write books on parenting. I read his books and seem to find “nuggets” to help me along my way as a dad.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Dog-Saw-Other-Adventures/dp/0316075841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267722899&sr=1-1
In “What The Dog Saw”, he writes about a Columbia University study conducted by Columbia psychologist named Carol Dweck. The study was to determine children’s different behavioral patterns depending upon how they were praised.
It seems, from this study anyway, that to praise a child for his/her “intelligence” does not produce the same behavior as praising a child for his/her “achievement”.
Those praised for intelligence seemed to show less desire to take on new challenges or engage in activities which might increase their abilities as the risk of failure (and therefore not being seen as intelligent) was greater than the reward. It seems that they identify themselves as “intelligent being” as an innate thing and less of a malleable quality. Therefore they are more reticent to challenge that intelligence for fear of uncovering the fact that they may not be so; thereby cancelling out their identity.
Additionally, Gladwell writes that children praised for their intelligence (in this Columbia U. study) were 40% more likely to lie about test scores. This could infer that the kids who see themselves as intelligent did not want to ever come across as anything less than intelligent.
I do not know the details of the Columbia study and did not look it up, or Carol Dweck, and therefore I cannot speak to the veracity of the study. However; I can speak to my own experiences with my kiddos.
I have one kid with a very high IQ and another who has a very high EQ (”emotional quotient”). High EQ personalities are the ones who know how to work a room; they can enter any room and within 5 minutes they have connected with enough (all?) people in the room and “own the room”. This has very little to do with their actual IQ.
Bijoy Goswami has written a a great deal about these types of personalities in his wonderful book The Human Fabric.
http://www.amazon.com/Human-Fabric-Unleashing-Energy-Everyone/dp/0976057409
My kids pretty much fit the behavioral description of the Columbia study. Now, grant it, my 2 kids is hardly a sufficient sample size but I do believe enough, from my own experiences, to suggest two things:
1. Praise your kiddos for achievement over innate intelligence.
2. Read lots of books and make every salient point a “learning/teaching” opportunity.
…happy parenting….
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