Teaching Manners
By Tracy | March 10, 2010
I will be the first to admit that I haven’t always operated with etiquette. Most of the time, it has been out of simple un-awareness rather than refusal. I do tend to be a bit of a rule breaker so following etiquette isn’t always my cup of tea. Table manners is where I needed the most help. Call it the bohemian in me but I would rather eat with my hands, sit with my legs crossed and put my elbows on the table. Ok, so maybe I haven’t taken petite sized bites either. I once had a former romantic interest tell me, several months after our first date that my table manners were almost a deal breaker for him. Oh man was I horrified but so grateful he told me that because again, I was totally unaware and of course now am totally focused on having good table manners. Don’t judge.
I remember I went to lunch at an upscale restaurant with a friend, a former chef and although I was embarrassed and somewhat resistant, I asked him to teach me the whole dinner and salad fork etiquette thing (imagine pretty woman,ya that was me except for the hooker part). The salad came and as instructed, I ate the salad with the salad fork. Ok, I’m doing good. No gypsy woman today. Then the lunch came and then about half way through I realized I was eating it with the salad fork. My first reaction (inside of course) was oh no, I’m eating this lunch with the salad fork, oh the horror. Then my rebel self, I call her Roxy, kicked in and thought, “This whole salad and dinner fork thing is the stupidest rule I’ve ever heard of and who the hell made up this rule in the first place?” Reluctantly, I switched to the dinner fork and proceeded to eat my lunch, all the while, cursing this rule under my breath. I was surprised by my reaction. Later on, I went to my life coach and told her that I wasn’t happy having to play by these rules. She then helped me to see that when I “Choose” to be in certain environments, to see it like a game. And there are certain rules that I need to follow should I choose to play that game or be in that environment. She pointed out, that I wouldn’t have to use the same etiquette if I went to a hamburger joint as I would an upscale restaurant. Which means I can let not only my bohemian side be expressed but also play socialite/debutante chick too from time. I’ve learned for me that if I have to inhibit any part of myself for too long, then all hell will break loose. So I now give myself opportunities to let all aspects of myself get expressed.
With that being said, I have recently also had to teach Paris some better table manners. Of course, I’ve taught her some things but I realized I needed to teach her more. Paris isn’t one who likes to be told what to do (I have no idea where she got that from..lol). So sometimes when I teach her, I have to do it in a way that is more like a game. For this purpose, I decided to use my trainings at Frontier Trainings where we got into character in order to play the games. So I created three characters: Bad Manners Betty, Medium McKenna (Paris named this one) and Proper Penny. Here’s what I did.
I told her based on where we are will determine which character she can be. So I had her demonstrate to me what she thought each one of these characters would act like. It was hilarious watching her create them and she enjoyed doing it too. Then I gave her examples of what types of places each one of these characters would best fit in. Obviously, Bad Manners Betty would be more for the home. I figure, if I let her express that wild child part sometimes then she won’t feel inhibited and be more inclined to also be the others. When we are at home, I’ll say, “Ok, you have 5 minutes to be Bad Manners Betty.” And then after that, she’s good. I do the same thing in the car. Sometimes she’s especially being a spaz and after constantly telling her to chill out, I’ll finally say, “Ok, you have 2 minutes to scream your butt off.” I’ll then let her get it out. It’s actually kinda fun and cathartic. It takes a lot of patience to pull this technique off, but if there is one thing God blessed me with is patience, so it works for us.
Sometimes when my etiquette isn’t in check, she’ll come back and say, “Mom, you’re being Bad Manners Betty right now.” That’s when I know I’ve done a good job teaching and the lesson has sunk in. As I learn, I teach her. Lessons never go wasted on me. But sometimes she’s the teacher too. Kids are good for that.
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Topics: General | 4 Comments »
March 10th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
This is all too funny because I have that great time we spent playing iin my head over and over again. You were and will always be that “Pretty Woman” and of course without the Hooker part. Everytime I walk into that restaraunt it brings a smile to my face because that was a funny time we had and reading about that in your blog today made me laugh out loud and for you to share this with your readers is really great beacuse we all need to have those times where we can let our hair down, sometimes with reckless abandon, and other times we’ll need to tighten up the laces and stick out the pinky. We all need to have those different sides you talk about so we’re not out of touch with who we are. You’re a great friend Tracy and you know you can always get a free cooking lesson anytime. “Here’s lookin’ at you Kid.”
March 11th, 2010 at 12:23 am
I too will always remember that day James. I’m so glad you can appreciate my un-ettiquette moments. And yes, I want that cooking lesson. God knows I need it so stand by.
Love ya James.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:36 am
Tracy, what a great idea! I love the idea of having different personas for different situations. This is definitely something I will incorporate with my 9 year old son. Fantastic!
March 14th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Thank you so much Brooke. Please let me know how it goes.